I need to figure out a way to spread the hugs throughout the day. Yesterday I collected all 5 (and more) between 7 – 8 p.m. People are on board with the idea. Some approach me, mostly I still do the approaching. I go and seek the hugs. I did, however, get called out for giving a “one-arm man-hug” that’s where you go in half-way and are non-committal about … some how that makes it “not count” as man-on-man action…right? I had a legitimate excuse (drink in hand) but being called on it was good, and I went in for the full hug. Thank you Jacob.
Let’s talk a bit about the effects of this test so far. Actually, let’s talk about suicide and depression for a bit. No, this isn’t a call for help or a weirdly veiled suicide warning. We’re just talking here.
I’ve heard that sometimes when people take medication for depression it increases their risk of suicide. Which, at first glance, seems counterintuitive. But the theory is the depression was keeping the person so low that any sort of action was an effort and/or too much work. When the medication kicks in, it motivates you to do something and sometimes that “something” is suicide. I don’t know how medically accurate this is, or if it’s even true at all. But, it does sound reasonable.
Now, to what I’ve noticed. The hugging has bettered my mood. In general, I’m feeling pretty happy. But, one of the ongoing problems in my life currently, is an acute loneliness. I spend a lot of my time alone. Generally, I like it. I write, draw, play piano, watch movies… all things that I can certainly do alone, in fact some of the things are better done alone. However, when being alone isn’t a choice… that’s when it can get to me.
There’ve been times in the past couple years when I’ve been alone with no one that I feel comfortable talking to (in person or online) and certainly no one I feel comfortable asking to be with in person. And I’ll sink into a depression. Where it’s just dark desperate thoughts. And I get literally sad and teary eyed. It’s weird. It’s often borne out of nothing. It sucks.
So, in this last week, the thing I’ve noticed is that sensation;That feeling of loneliness, and wanting someone to be with me, rears it’s ugly head, however the sadness isn’t there. I mean, it’s still sad, and I still want the situation not to be happening, but the “unreasonable” sadness feels like it’s under control.
Don’t know yet. Will have to keep track of that.
The other thing I’ve noticed is that other people aren’t hugging each other after hugging me. I kinda thought this sort of thing would spread. The sensation is that I’m the hug center and people are benefiting a little from me, but I’m benefiting a bunch from them because I’m getting hugs from everyone. Not sure why it’s not spreading. I’m not going to force the issue, just keep observing.
#5hugsaday